For families, friends and carers
Supporting someone you're worried about
Watching someone you care about struggle is exhausting and frightening. You don't need the right words or a plan — you just need somewhere to start.
Recognising the signs
What problematic substance use can look like
No single sign means someone has a problem, and many of these can have other causes. Patterns over time matter more than one-off events.
- Changes in mood, sleep, appetite or energy that persist
- Withdrawing from family, friends, work, study or activities they used to enjoy
- Money problems, unexplained borrowing or missing possessions
- Secrecy about where they are or who they are with
- Missed appointments, deadlines or responsibilities
- Physical signs such as weight change, poor wound healing or frequent illness
- Needing more of a substance to get the same effect, or feeling unwell without it
Starting the conversation
How to talk about it without pushing them away
- Choose your moment
- Talk when they are not intoxicated, and when neither of you is rushed or angry.
- Lead with care
- "I've noticed you seem low and I'm worried about you" opens a conversation; "you're an addict" closes it.
- Ask, don't diagnose
- Ask what is going on for them and what would help. Listen more than you speak.
- Offer specifics
- Offer to look up a local service together, sit with them while they call, or go with them.
- Expect ambivalence
- People often want change and fear it at the same time. That is normal, not failure.
- Keep the door open
- If they are not ready, say you will still be there. Most people come back to the conversation later.
Try to avoid
Ultimatums delivered in anger, labels like "junkie" or "alcoholic", threats you would not follow through, and searching their belongings without telling them. These usually increase secrecy rather than use of support.
Looking after yourself
Boundaries and your own wellbeing
- You can love someone and still say no to specific requests.
- Boundaries work best when they are clear, calm and about your own limits, not punishments.
- You are not responsible for another adult's choices, and you cannot make someone change.
- Looking after your own health, sleep, work and relationships is not selfish — it is what makes support sustainable.
- If children are affected, or you feel unsafe, contact local services or the police for advice.
Support designed for you
Family and carer support exists in its own right — you do not need the person you are worried about to be in treatment, or even to know you are getting help.
- Local drug and alcohol services often run family support groups.
- Scottish Families Affected by Alcohol and Drugs supports family members in Scotland.
- Adfam provides information for families affected by substance use.
- Your GP can help with your own health, sleep and mental wellbeing.
If you think someone has overdosed
Call 999 straight away. Do not leave them to sleep it off. You will not get them into trouble by calling for medical help.